If it were not for the hope that I have in Jesus, it would have been impossible to face the giant of possible chronic illness. I consider it such a gift to be able to walk with Jesus through several weeks of testing, without going into depression and a panic. It tells me that Jesus is a real man, who cares much about my soul.
What started out as an emergency room visit for pain in my side, led to several medical tests, culminating to an investigation for cancer. I had stood strong for all the previous tests and this current one was serious and I didn’t know if I was going to falter. My doctor was unsure about the results of a series of tests and, finally said that a surgical procedure was needed, to examine tissue samples. At that moment, I froze, not knowing whether to cry and immerse myself in despair or to keep standing. I did cry and prayed through the emotions of fear and facing death. I emerged from prayer, knowing that my life is in Jesus and that living in Him was what mattered most. In such a dark but reassuring moment, I again will-ed my life to Jesus and determined that cancer or not, I was going to continue serving Him with joy. Nothing was going to come between the will of Jesus and its fulfillment in my life.
Some persons have encouraged me, prayed with me and sang songs with me. Others have reclined into a silent fear, just hoping for the best. Praying through was important for Jesus to be able to use me to demonstrate to others, His peace and ability to satisfy my heart, in the midst of undergoing an exam for cancer. There’s one thing that I am sure about, and that is, I have delivered my life to the will of Jesus and I will live the life that He has chosen for me.
While I wait for Jesus to come and for the results of my exam, I place my feet on a level path and I fight on boldly, not turning to despair, fear or anything else that persons, in similar circumstances often turn to. I consider it a privilege for Jesus to take time to break and mold me, moreover, to even use me for His glory. He deserves every last bit of the life in me― it’s His.